fear the birds

Well the last couple of months have certainly been quite eventful and uneventful at the same time. Summer is almost over and it’s time to look back. Some people may not understand, how I can just bum around all summer without actually achieving anything that can be called productive. But I did it, for the most parts. This summer was certainly odd. I felt like I was watching an old, melodramatic, foreign but somehow familiar television series unravel before me. Vancouver was weird, something changed me and made me a lot more detached than I should while I was back there.

It became incredibly hard for me to relate to people, and actually acknowledge them as individuals. But then, of course the summer came, and I was basically tight-packed into a claustrophobic situation that is Asia. It gave me no other option but to deal, and that’s a good thing.

I have to admit, that my family is pretty fucked. Just the characteristics of each individual and stuff, and the chemistry. We love each other a lot. But there’s something twisted and genuinely fucked about my family that I can’t wrap my finger around. Our relationships are a bit twisted, one way or the other. This scares me, very much. But then I learn to accept it, and deal with it. Try to somehow mediate so things don’t go bad. Somehow.

In my family, (and so I heard Ian’s), we have a central figure that mediate and keep everyone happy. Kind of. My mother is the person that my family turns to when shit happens. They rely on her to glue everyone together. They may not be aware of this, but it’s true. It scares me to think about my family without my mom, because I am convinced that shit is going to hit the ceiling and everyone’s just going to turn against each other eventually when she isn’t there anymore.

But we’ll see.

All of this thinking and observing can ultimately only lead thing one thing: A project.

Yeah, it’s conventional and expected, but I am turning to my family to be the subject of an ongoing project that I’m working on. Family portraits, or sorts.

I finally arrived in New York. It’s still a little bit overwhelming, the scale of the city and just its’ pace. Not to mention that there’s so many black people! OMG. No I don’t mean it in a racist way, but being Indonesian, I really haven’t seen THIS many black people in an area before. And it’s kind of cool.

I’m currently living in Queens. and it kind of sucks. Yeah. No offense to people who live here, but this isn’t the idea of New York that I had in mind. Queens that is. Manhattan is everything that I hoped for though. My mom and I watched Young Frankenstein on Broadway, right after we landed. Megan Mullaly was on stage. it was amazing. Too bad that my mom dozed off halfway through though. But what do you expect after twenty two hours of flying.

But yeah, the energy in the city is fucking great. I can’t wait for school to start, or at least when I am moved to my own place so I can start making stuff. Not that I’m not already making stuff. All the things in the summer have finally given me some new ideas to work with, and I just want to make ‘em real you know.

Been shooting a lot more film, than digital. And I love it. I want to learn more about it, all these photos I posted. Not manipulated, one bit. Except for resizing. Too bad that I didn’t work the negative scan on my own, I had these scanned at the neighborhood photo place in Singapore. I need to learn how to scan negatives on my own. And stuff.

Watched The Fall last night, and it was good. But not as good as I expected. I’m starting a movie journal, also on this site, so expect a ‘review’ of it up sometime soon.

Anyway, I probably should start looking for an apartment now that my initial plan fell through. Lol.